Greetings Wise, Wonderful MidLife Women!
This was a hard episode for me to shoot. You can tell by the way I’m breathing as I talk. My feelings were right on my sleeve and I felt vulnerable sharing something very personal with you. My hope is that you find it helpful.
Todays Sunday Peppy is about “I love you but I love me more”. Exploring self-worth and using 3 support practices to help sustain us when we put ourselves first.
I’ve been living the hobby farm lifestyle for over 20 years now, so there have been many times that I needed to make the tough decision to euthanize an animal due to illness or injury. Those decisions have always been made on THEIR time frame, based on THEIR needs. Not mine.
Two weeks ago my husband and I made the hard and very painful decision to euthanize our remaining 4 beloved horses. They ranged in age from 19 to 25 years old, each having a physical ailment or challenge for which there was no recovery.
They could’ve all lasted another few years…….but I couldn’t.
The horses themselves didn’t take a lot of work or strain. It was all the stuff that goes along with their care like fencing repairs, land management, hayfield reconditioning, etc. My body simply couldn’t do all the hard work anymore, so I put myself and my needs first. It was really hard to do.
My physical body hurt a lot for 2 to 3 days after they were euthanized. It was very clear to me that it was struggling with absorbing the degree to which I had put myself first.
As women, we’re notorious for putting others first, often at our own expense. And when we do, we pay a price for it, especially when we do it over and over and over again. Sometimes we think we’re putting ourselves first but really, we’ve put ourselves after someone else when we can conveniently slide ourselves in.
When we say “I love you but I love me more”, it requires sturdy clarity of our self worth which supports us knowing that we “factor in” just as much as anyone else. It’s not about being against, better or above others. It’s about taking our rightful place at the self worth table along with everyone else.
Why is it hard to put ourselves first? Many of us growing up didn’t have our self esteems fostered and nurtured. We may have seriously lacked good role models, especially living immersed in societal paradigms that women are supposed to be self-sacrificing. It’s scary and vulnerable to put ourselves first.
Here’s the 3 things I practiced that I found enormously helpful. If you’re working on connecting more deeply to your self worth or would like to, I invite you practice these, too.
- Stay with the physical discomfort ~ keep breathing, be present
- Stay with the decision to put yourself first ~ don’t hurt yourself by going down the rabbit hole of shame
- Stay with the practice of putting yourself first ~ so it becomes easier
Strengthening self worth is something I support my clients with A LOT. If you’d like support with valuing yourself more so you can more confidently do what you wanna do in life, just hit “reply” and tell me a bit about where you struggle with this and what you’d like to achieve. If I feel I can help you, we can schedule a call to talk about what working together could look like.
Until next time, take care and be kind to yourself!
Jane F. Meinz, M.A.
Women’s MidLife Mentor &
Kripalu Yoga Teacher
2164 230th Street
Saint Croix Falls, WI. 54024